Some people are natural plant whisperers. Whenever I buy anything green, I whisper too, only my mantra is more of a one-sided bargaining: Stay alive, okay? Please stay alive, for just a few months, that's all I ask. Okay, a few weeks. At least 10 days. Is 10 days doable? Please?
I'm already halfway through the five stages of grief and I haven't even gotten from the checkout to my car. Murdering the poor, innocent fiddle-leaf fig, or fern, or "just ignore it!" borderline-unkillable succulent is just my nature. Like Elmyra from the critically acclaimed Tiny Toon Adventures, maybe I love too much, only instead of cuddling pets, it's obsessively alternating between overwatering and total dry-the-roots-to-dust neglect. That's why this planter spoke to the core of my being.
BUY NOW Please Don't Die planter in white, $15; amazon
This simple ceramic planter — available in bright white or blush pink — looks like your typical vase. Until you notice the metal plaque at the bottom that reads, "Please don't die" in all caps. The capital letters are crucial, noting the urgency we all feel when we silently plead with God, the universe, and Mother Nature to please, please let that green thing stay green long enough for us to truly appreciate it. Or, at the very least, feel like we got our $12.95's worth.
BUY NOW Please Don't Die planter in pink, $25; amazon
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