This Bacon Pool Float Puts All Other Pool Floats to Shame

Truly, it's beautiful.

Pool float season is upon us and, sure, you can be just another person drifting along in their unicorn or pizza float — or you can stand out with this truly stunning piece of inflatable plastic. Just take it in, in all its faux-crispy-edged glory:

Amazon

Bacon Pool Float, $20; AMAZON

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The ridges! The coloring! One reviewer perfectly summed it up: "Nothing says 'I’ve been working on my body' as loud and proud as this 7.5-foot strip of inflatable pig fat." (Also, note that it's 7 1/2 feet long! No legs dangling off the side here, even if you're LeBron James!)

I've seen a ton of bacon pool floats before, each one worse than the last, and this one finally got it right. If you're not convinced, please reference these sad, sad, wannabes...

This looks more like ?

Amazon

And this looks more like .

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And this one doesn't even deserve to be called

Amazon

All I'm saying is, be the change you want to see in the world, and start by spending your summer with the real bacon pool float.

Amazon

Bacon Pool Float, $20; AMAZON

I rest my case.

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